Iron Man

A few months ago, a film came out called Iron Man 2. I was very perplexed. Iron Man was such an incredible film. This heart-wrenching story about a boy and his friendly metallic robot friend. I absolutely loved it, but when I thought of what Brad Bird film would make a good sequel, Iron Man was nowhere in my list. The first and obvious choice would be The Incredibles.

Wait, what? Oh, I’m getting word that the film I’m thinking of is Iron Giant. Iron Giant. I’m sorry for the confusion ladies and gentlemen. So what’s Iron Man? Superhero film? Marvel Comics? Stan Lee? Starring Robert Downey Jr.? Oh.

So, I also heard that this film is actually pretty damn good, and the reason they made a sequel was that people loved the original. Not only that, but the sequel’s damn good, too. Time to watch it.

The genesis of this story begins when a child of millionaires is left orphaned. The young boy grows up and must take the reigns of his father’s business. Wait, what? I’m being told that’s Batman. No, no, sorry, my bad, it is Batman, but it’s also Iron Man. That must have saved them some money on their screenwriting.

Hey, Stan!

What?

You been working on that backstory?

No, but I’m sure I’ve got one here in this pile. Just write and we’ll figure it out.

So, Tony Stark. The Paris Hilton of the weapons world. Makes big bucks selling to Uncle Sam1. He’s captured by some Brown Bastards™2… oh! Wait! Looks like he isn’t. Looks like the story then jumps from the exciting point to… his birth? What is this? A shitty episode of Voyager? Actually, it is much better than any episode of Voyager, but that’s not saying much.

Alright, so there’s a lot I don’t like about this film. The flow of the narrative, the length, the horribly cliché battle between robots, why did Stark trust Dr. Frankenstein in the cave, the annoying reporter who Stark bones, Stark’s personal assistant, all other female characters in the film, what? Oh, there aren’t any other women in the film.

What did I like? Robert Downy Jr. was pretty good. Also, even though it wasn’t a great film, it was still a fun romp. It was predictable, but still enjoyable. Enjoyable enough to watch the sequel, at no cost.

Can anyone tell me why the most vulnerable spot on his body3 is on display and open to the world?

1. Why Uncle Sam? Why not Auntie Samantha? [↩]
2. Hollywood, if you want to use this, you have to see me. [↩]
3. The piece of technology that keeps his heart working. [↩]